'I'm a Long-Term Investor Now,' Says Man Down 60%
Time horizon extends in direct proportion to unrealized losses, researchers confirm.
Satire
Following a 60% drawdown in his account, a local trader announced Tuesday that he has always been a long-term investor and that anyone who says otherwise is engaging in revisionist history.
This was never a trade, said the man whose original post described it as a trade, included the word squeeze, and featured three rocket emojis. This is a generational company and I am investing on a ten-year horizon, he continued, refreshing the price for the ninth time that minute.
Researchers have documented the phenomenon extensively, finding the average retail time horizon extends approximately fourteen months for every 10% of unrealized losses, before collapsing instantly to zero on the first green day.
At press time, the position had bounced 4% and he was reportedly asking if anyone knew whether selling here counted as a win.